The situation between Prophetess Juanita Bynum and her husband Bishop Thomas Weeks is disturbing to me.Over the past several months since allegations of domestic violence between the two first surfaced in the news media, both Bynum and Weeks have spoken out to address the controversy. Bynum, the victim, has held several press conferences, conducted an interview with Essence Magazine, and recently appeared on a special two-part edition of Divorce Court with Judge Lynn Toler to talk about her experience as a survivor of the abuse. Likewise, Bishop Weeks has conducted several press conferences and interviews, one in particular with New York radio station Hot 97’s Miss Jones, to give his side of the story. So, why is the situation so disturbing to me?
Three reasons.
The first is the public discourse that has taken place between the two parties. If this is truly such a personal, intimate, private issue, why are they both choosing to make it public? Bishop Weeks has even gone so far as to reveal details about the couple’s sex life. Is that really behavior becoming of a preacher? Why are these two people so intent on making this a public issue? In my opinion, the shameful back-and-forth, public display between these two completely undermines both parties’ claims that this is not about promoting their careers.
My second problem with the whole situation is their seemingly reckless disregard for the sanctity of marriage. In this day and age, when divorce runs rampant through our society, it’s a shame when two individuals, who are not only Christians, but preachers, throw in the towel on their marriage. In the midst of defending themselves through the media, neither Bynum nor Weeks have actually said that divorce is wrong and frowned upon by God. On Divorce Court, Bynum even says, “I can’t speak for him, but I no longer want the marriage.” At no time has she said that God told her to get a divorce. Or that she believes it's God's will for her to leave her husband. Instead, she describes it as a decision for her own health and her own well-being. Which is fine, except that the Bible tells us that God does not like divorce (1 Corinthians 7:10-12). So do you reconcile the disconnect? How, as a Christian, do you justify going your own way when you know that God disapproves of your action?
Well, for one, understand that divorce is different than separation. I do not believe that God calls us to live in an environment of tension and fear. In fact, 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that God wants us to do that exact opposite. But, when it comes to divorce, God is just as clear, which brings me to my third point.
My third problem with this situation is the hypocrisy that I’ve seen from both parties throughout this situation. In Bynum’s case, she made the statement on Divorce Court that she loves her husband, but she loves herself more. Well, as a minister of the word, is that really the mentality that God instructs us to have in our relationships with others? I would argue that Bynum’s perspective is not of God, but her own rationalization for getting a divorce. The fact is that God doesn’t tell us to love ourselves more than other people. Rather, He tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). Furthermore, he instructs us to put the interests of others before our own (Phillippians 2:3-4; Romans 15:1-3). So, as an instructor and prophet of God’s word, what is Bynum really teaching? Is this the word of God or her own thoughts and opinions?
Similarly, what is Bishop Weeks teaching his congregants when he says he “would rather push you now than punch you later.” Or better yet, when he says, “avoiding her swing to my head, I pushed her away with great force causing her to hit the ground pretty hard.” Whether Weeks was trying to avoid further confrontation or not, he still put his hands on a woman. So what are we to think when we now hear him preach a gospel that instructs us to turn the other cheek to those who would do us harm (Matthew 38:40)? Or that "he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty" (Proverbs 16:32).
My third problem with this situation is the hypocrisy that I’ve seen from both parties throughout this situation. In Bynum’s case, she made the statement on Divorce Court that she loves her husband, but she loves herself more. Well, as a minister of the word, is that really the mentality that God instructs us to have in our relationships with others? I would argue that Bynum’s perspective is not of God, but her own rationalization for getting a divorce. The fact is that God doesn’t tell us to love ourselves more than other people. Rather, He tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). Furthermore, he instructs us to put the interests of others before our own (Phillippians 2:3-4; Romans 15:1-3). So, as an instructor and prophet of God’s word, what is Bynum really teaching? Is this the word of God or her own thoughts and opinions?
Similarly, what is Bishop Weeks teaching his congregants when he says he “would rather push you now than punch you later.” Or better yet, when he says, “avoiding her swing to my head, I pushed her away with great force causing her to hit the ground pretty hard.” Whether Weeks was trying to avoid further confrontation or not, he still put his hands on a woman. So what are we to think when we now hear him preach a gospel that instructs us to turn the other cheek to those who would do us harm (Matthew 38:40)? Or that "he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty" (Proverbs 16:32).
In his new book called “What Love Taught Me,” Weeks makes the claim that Bynum instigated the now-infamous parking lot incident and used it to become the poster child for domestic violence and to boost her ministry. “Juanita was tired of preaching. She was tired of the conference circuit. She was bored… she needed a way out of the marriage so that she could keep her following, develop a cause that would support her without preaching and promote her secular career.” Whether his claims are true or not, I am not certain. But it does seem to me that both of them are now trying to turn what should have been regarded as a tragedy to a triumph for their careers. Weeks coming out with a new book. Bynum on Divorce Court. The divorce is still not yet finalized. And everybody trying to get glory for themselves and none to God. It all just doesn’t seem right to me.
God bless,
J.W.
April 2003 - Bynum-Weeks Wedding
http://youtube.com/watch?v=KQEkDJuHyPk
Sept. 2007 - Bynum Interview
Sept. 2007 - Weeks Press Conference
Dec. 2007 – Weeks apologizes to Bynum, promises to not speak publicly again
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hX9jkqAljpU
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hX9jkqAljpU
March 2008 - Weeks Interview
March 2008 - Juanita Bynum Interview
April 2008 - Bynum on Divorce Court
May 2008 - Weeks Claims Abuse in New Book
There are many things in this blog that I do agree with however there are some things that are just not realistic. The section about divorce and the sanctity of marriage leaves a lot to be desired. As someone who has suffered domestic violence in the format of emotional abuse I have to say that divorce is an option for Christians. My ex-husband never put a hand on me but for those who have suffered physical abuse and whose lives may hang in the balance it may be the only option. While it is true that God hates divorce and teaches us to love others it is also true that my Father loves me more than humanly possible. God does not want to see any of his children suffer. It also states in the bible that you should not remain in an abusive marriage. And also every marriage is not of God. There are some things that humans do that He does not have his hand in and we in our flesh have to go through things in order to recognize the err of our ways. God loves me more than a marriage that in all honesty he probably had nothing to do with in the beginning and just because Bynum and Weeks are ministers it does not mean that God was in their marriage either.
ReplyDeleteMonique,
ReplyDeleteA couple things…
First, let me make it clear, I do not believe, and never said that people should stay in abusive marriages. In fact, I say that I don’t believe that God wants us to live in an environment of tension and fear. The Bible is very clear that “a wife is not to depart her husband but even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). How each person chooses to take that statement is up to them. I’m not here to judge.
The fact of the matter is that there are allegations of abuse on both sides in this situation. And the fact that these two people are not only Christians, but ministers, means that they are absolutely held to a higher standard. I totally agree with you, God just isn’t in some marriages. He didn’t ordain them and He doesn’t condone them. The people who enter these marriages have to deal with that fact. But to have two people who are leaders of congregations, who are suppose to direct us in God’s word, handle their marriage so recklessly sends a wrong message, not only to their congregants, but to the world.
As Christians, we are supposed to be different. We are supposed to show the world how to live. So what does it say when our leaders can’t even get it right? The Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. But here you have two believers. Two ministers! If they truly put God first, God could have made it work. He can do anything, and we can do anything through Him.
Please don’t think that in criticizing these two people that I am in anyway criticizing you. Your situation was totally different. You were young. You had kids with your husband. You stayed and tried to make it work for so many years. You didn’t publicize your divorce. In fact, you’ve never said a word to me about it. Juanita and her husband, on the other hand, are middle-aged. They have no kids. They’ve only been together for 3 years. They are Pastors of thousand-member congregations. And they have publicized their divorce beyond measure.
If you look at what I was saying in the blog, it had nothing to do with them getting a divorce, but everything to do with how they’ve handled it. The part that you had a problem with had nothing to do with the fact that Juanita Bynum is choosing to get out of the marriage, but the reckless way that she’s done it, and the lack of balance she’s shown in speaking out in the media. That’s where my issue lies. Not in the fact that she chose to get out of an abusive marriage.
Each of us makes chooses in life, and it is these choices that determine where we end up. Each person has to make his or her choices based on his or her own life. But God is very clear on how we are to handle our lives, even in the midst of turmoil, such as a divorce. As ministers, Bynum and Weeks are held to a higher standard, and should be held accountable for not meeting that standard.