Wise In Your Own Eyes

This morning, on the Steve Harvey Morning Show, the “Strawberry Letter” was from a woman who had been living with a man for 26 years unmarried, and wanted to know if she should leave. In response to the woman’s letter, guest host, sports columnist Stephen A. Smith, claimed that the woman was lying to herself by saying she wants to leave. He said that, apparently, the man was doing something right for her to stay with him for 26 years, and insinuated that the woman stop focusing on getting married and worry about just being happy.
While, to the untrained ear, the advice might sound good, there are two problems with this response.

First of all, it’s not biblical. No matter what our society tells us, men and women should not have sexual relations with each other outside the context of marriage. It’s called FORNICATION and it’s expressly called out in the Bible for being against God’s will.

The second problem with this response is that it doesn’t address the woman’s main problem, which is that this woman has a serious lack of respect and esteem for herself. She clearly wants to be married to this man. That is why she is now contemplating whether she should leave. But, if marriage was really her original goal, she went about it all the wrong way.

Ladies, please know that guys will likely NOT MARRY YOU unless there’s some sort of incentive to. The old expression “why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free” holds true. Guys are hunters. We are goal oriented. And if we really like or want you, we will do whatever we must do to get you.

So, if you want to be married, please hold out until you are. If a man can’t wait for you and won’t make a commitment to you, then he wasn’t really right for you anyway.

But more importantly, Stephen A. Smith’s advice/opinion on the situation concerns me. As Christians, we must remember that we are called not to live according to our own wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and opinions, but rather that of God.

I don’t know whether Mr. Smith is a Christian or not, but what I do know is that he clearly didn’t consult with God or His word before giving his response. God gives us the Holy Spirit for exactly that purpose – so that we can decipher His will for our lives. So, when you’re giving advice to someone, please make sure it’s Godly advice and NOT just your own opinion.

God bless,
J.W.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-7

To Whom Much It Given

This past weekend, Michele and I went to a marriage seminar called the "Weekend To Remember" Conference in Allentown, PA. In attendance were over 160 married and engaged couples from all different backgrounds. Some, like us, were just starting out on their journeys and looking to refresh their marriages. Others, like one couple, had been married for over 50 years and looking to renew their marriages. Others were still engaged and looking to prepare for their upcoming nuptials. Many, however, came because they were having serious challenges in their relationship and were looking to restore their marriages.

Going into the conference, I was a little hesitant because I didn't really know what to expect. Though it came highly recommended by many of the married couples we know, including my parents who sent us to the conference, I still wasn't sure about it. Would I be forced to emotionally expose myself to a room full of strangers, I thought to myself. Would this be 3 days of icebreakers and trust exercises, and end with us all sitting in a big circle singing kumbaya around a camp fire? Being the introvert that I am, I wasn't really looking forward to interacting with too many people this weekend, especially if my idea of the conference was correct.

My experience at the conference, however, was completely different than what I expected. Because most of the weekend was spent either listening to instruction on various aspects of marriages by renowned speakers, or working with our spouses on the projects that were assigned to us by our instructors, the majority of our time was spent isolated from the other couples in attendance. And while the conference certainly helped to strengthen our own relationships with God and each other, it wasn't until the very end of the conference, when we got a glimpse into lives of the other couples, that Michele and I learned our biggest lesson of the weekend.

When asked by the instructors to stand and share one thing that they were committed to changing in their marriage as a result of the things they learned at the conference, one by one, people stood with tears in their eyes, and lumps in their throats, revealing the pain that was healed, the yokes that were broken, and the fences that were mended over the course of the weekend. It was then that we realized the truly amazing things that God had done in the lives and marriages of the couples around us and how incredibly blessed we were to be where we are as a couple.

While Michele and I are far from perfect, and far from having the perfect marriage, we found that the small issues that we go through were nothing compared to the toll that emotional, mental, and sexual abuse had taken on the marriages there. One woman spoke about never having touched her husband in a loving way because of the sexual abuse she experienced growing up. Another woman spoke of never having said I love you to her husband because of the emotional abuse in her past. Yet still, one man stood up and apologized for not being forthright and honest with his wife in the past.

In getting just a small glimpse into the lives of these people, and the burdens on their marriage, Michele and I both felt an overwhelming need to share our lives and our stories with other couples who may be struggling in their marriages. To be given such a gift in each other, as we have each been given, we possess a duty to be a blessing to other people, to help those who may be in need, and, most importantly, to act as an example to those who might be struggling in their relationships. To whom much it given, much is required, and as such, we have no excuse in not sharing our lives and our knowledge with others.

Likewise, each of us as individuals who has been blessed by God to be where we are in life has a duty, an obligation, to be a blessing to someone else. God does not grant blessings for you, and you alone, but that you might pass His blessings on to others. Everything you do affects the people around you, and whether you know it or not, people are watching you.

So, be a positive example today. Impart kind words to someone on your job. Say hello to that person you pass on the street. Tell your family you love them. Mentor a young person. Pass on your knowledge, wisdom, and testimony to someone else today. After all, that's what Journal Your Journey is all about.

God bless,
J.W.