So, the other day, after posting an entry about the drama between Juanita Bynum and her husband, Bishop Thomas Weeks, I received a comment from a reader who was upset by some of the comments I made, particularly my comments about divorce. She said that my comments were unrealistic, that as a survivor of abuse herself, she believed that divorce is a viable and acceptable option for Christians, and that for some, it may be the only option. She also said that as human beings, we sometimes make mistakes and go in directions in which God never told us to go, and that sometimes it takes going through a traumatic event like divorce for us to realize the err of our ways. Finally, she argues that just because Bynum and Weeks are ministers doesn’t mean that God was a part of their marriage.
These comments led me to believe that there may have been others who read my entry and may have gotten offended or concerned by what I said. So, I just wanted to take this opportunity to address the concerns and clarify my position. (Click the following link to read the previous entry:
http://jnointed.blogspot.com/2008/05/its-lights-youre-blinded-by-action.html)
First of all, let me be clear. I do not believe, and have never said, that people, Christian or otherwise, should stay in abusive marriages. Whether emotional, physical, or mental, abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated, whether a person is married or not. In fact, in my post, I say that I don’t believe God wants us to live in an environment of tension and fear, but one of love, peace, and harmony (2 Corinthians 13:11).
The Bible, however, is very clear that “a wife is not to depart her husband but even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). How each person chooses to take these words is up to them. I’m not here to judge.
But the fact is that Bynum and Weeks are married. And not only are they married, but they are Christians. And not only are they Christians, but they are preachers, prominent leaders with large congregations and a worldwide following within the church. To suggest that they are not held to a higher standard because of this is to diminish the sacred role that God has given to undershepherds in the Kingdom of God (1 Timothy 3:1-7). God has called them, not only to preach the Gospel, but more importantly, to live it so that others might see Him through them.
Thus, in attacking the Bynum-Weeks divorce, please understand that I was not at all attacking divorcees in general. I understand that there are different situations that may require a separation, or even a divorce, from one’s spouse. But this was specifically about Juanita and Weeks. This was about exposing the situation for what it truly is – a hot, ghetto mess.
The fact is that in my comments last week, I didn’t even touch on everything these two so-called leaders have done in their personal lives to shame the higher calling God has given them. I didn’t even start to get into the changing one’s identity to avoid creditors, the preaching of flase doctrine, encouraging Christians to curse, and the stealing of money from congregants. These are two people who have a long history of impropriety that I didn’t even get into. But the fact remains, I have a problem with the way they’ve handled their divorce. Not just because I have some sort of vendetta against divorce, but because of the way they are now teaching their congregants and the world to treat something as sacred as the institution of marriage.
Do I believe that divorce is an option for Christians? Yes, I do. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 clearly gives provisions for those who choose to divorce. But that same passage also shows God’s will for marriages to stay together and His desire for reconciliation when marriages fall apart. In today’s society, we often treat divorce like it’s a quick fix to our problems rather than what it truly should be, a final resort. We celebrate divorce like a teenager who just got his license, but don’t recognize the responsibility that comes with it.
But Christians are supposed to be different. We’re supposed to be the salt of the earth, the light of the world, examples of the transformation that God can bring to one’s life. So what are we saying when we give up on a marriage simply because we convince ourselves that we’ve married the wrong person? What happened to believing God could do anything? Or that we could do anything through Him (Phillippians 4:13)?
Sure, sometimes we’re disobedient. Sometimes we do our own thing, and end up out of sync with God. A lot of times, we enter relationships because of earthly desires rather than spiritual guidance. But marriage is different. Marriage is sacred. And no matter how a relationship starts, God has the ability to turn it around for good (Romans 8:28). Just as He has the power to transform us from sinners to saints, He can transform our relationships from earthly to heavenly. He can make us new creations (2 Corithians 5:17).
So what do we tell the world when two of our own leaders can’t even get it right? When they choose to not only throw in the towel, but tear each other down in the process? Are we not to hold them to a higher standard? Are we to simply excuse their behavior?
As imperfect as they might be, as we are all, they still must be held accountable, as we all are. Not only are they leaders. Not only are they Christian leaders. But they are preachers of God’s word. And whether we like it or not, God has standards for all His children, particularly those who proclaim His word. Sure, we may fail to meet God’s standards, as we all will at one time or another, and He may forgive us, as He promised He’d do if we were truly repentant, but the standards never change. Just as the law never changed before Christ, and Jesus never changes today. While in the Old Testament, the law was the mirror that showed us who we really are and how far short we’ve come, in the New Testament, Jesus is that mirror, the standard by which we now measure our lives. So we must ask ourselves, would Jesus be proud of our behavior? If not, we ought to be held accountable for our actions and be repentant.
At the end of the day, my comments about the divorce of Bynum and Weeks were not judgments on divorce in general, but rather an expose on this divorce in particular. I know everybody’s situation is different. I understand that some people get a divorce because of abuse in the home, or drug abuse, or alcoholism, or adultery. Whatever the motivations, each of us makes choices in life, and we are responsible for the consequences of those choices. My comments last week were about holding Bynum and Weeks accountable out of concern for the consequences their actions would bring about. As a Christian, I understand that marriages fail, but my job is to ensure they do not. And the best way for me to do that is to make sure that my marriage is one that succeeds.
So, if you’re married, I encourage you to continue to love one another that your marriage might continue to flourish. If you’re single, I encourage you to pray for your future marriage and spouse that God might bless you with a long, prosperous marriage. And if you’re going through a divorce, I encourage you to pray for your former spouse that God might bring reconciliation.
God bless you all,
J.W.
